Are you doing this? (If you are, it will reduce your success and confidence)

On a Saturday evening about eight years ago, I finished a speaker training workshop I'd run and had a number of people come up to me afterwards, thank me, share how much they had benefited from a leadership piece I did at an event the previous year and tell me how much they admired me. AND . . . I had other people come up and share how INTIMIDATED they'd been by me. ME?! Whaaaaaaat? I was shocked. 

I had spent decades feeling intimidated by successful people. I'd spent most of my life feeling like jelly on the inside. How was it possible people could feel intimidated by ME? So I asked them. Turns out they'd done with me what I'd been doing with others for all those years: creating a story in my mind about how much more advanced/successful/confident/happy they were than me and how I could never be as advanced/successful/confident/happy as them.

This is something called PROJECTION, where we literally project our ideas of emotions, qualities, experiences and thoughts into another person and assume they have them. Often, this has NOTHING to do with THEM and EVERYTHING to do with US. But here's the weird thing - we usually don't know we're doing it and we are SURE we are right.Even some of the most successful people do this: Olympic medallists, business titans, Academy Award-winning actors . . . . the list goes on.

The cure for this is twofold. ONE: whatever that person has or does that you hold up high - see that you have the same potential and go start to develop it. TWO: without attachment, see if there are opportunities to connect and get to know that person in tiny moments without being weird or forcing connection. Don't take anything personally, just let the moments unfold. This is how I've come to connect with some of the people I admire most.I realised that Saturday evening how subtly I'd grown over the past years, how much stronger and more confident I was and how much clearer I was about who I am and what I'm here to contribute.

I still have wobbly days - don’t get me wrong. I still struggle with stuff and am learning how to move through it with higher degrees of ease. I have invested a lot of time and effort in my own growth and am so grateful I get to do that. I will always be doing it.At the risk of sounding trite, I believe we can all grow into someone we love, respect and admire. It's a matter of deciding to take and continue that journey.